Dressy Dress Up Time

Last night, Harley and I were both working in the kitchen, preparing for the move. He was doing dishes, I was cleaning out cupboards. The living room was too quiet. When I went to investigate, I discovered that Audrina has dressed her brother...in her pretty pretty pink princess costume. After taking a few pictures, I rescued the poor boy. I think he ended up wearing every dress and tutu she owns. Not a happy baby!

Audrina: Future Real Estate Agent?

While I think both kids are a bit stressed about the move, and they have both been trying to make me lose my temper all week, Audrina has developed the extremely cute habit of giving tours to all of the potential renters viewing our apartment.

This is where you put your coats. You do not throw your coats in the living room. It makes mommy sad.

This is where you put your shoes so you do not make the house dirty.

This is my favorite truck. You can play with it if you want to, but you have to share nice.

This is mommy's kitchen. You need to ask before you go in there. Sometimes things are hot.

This is my dolly.

You have to see my room! I love my room! I have Tinkerbell.

I decided to just let her go with it. Anyone who doesn't think that my daughter is the cutest little salesgirl in the world is an asshole anyway and needs to suffer. Bob is showing the apartment again at five today. I am strongly considering video taping Audrina's "tour" de forceful.

Walkie Talkie

Archer and I had an entire conversation this morning. Not real words, of course. I was sitting down, and he toddled over, looked at me and said "Bah!" I responded with "urg" Archer parried with a "Blubb uss" which I met with "shhhh pop" and so on. For twenty minutes. When he lost interest. Either I have completely lost my mind, or I am the most fun ever.

Simm's Anatomy

Last night I was at work when I got a text from Harley. Audrina asked if he poops from where he pees. I had done a few little Q&As in how boys are different from girls, but apparently that particular conversation needs to have a full lesson plan. So now we have entered the age of fascination with physical differences. This week she has asked men about their penises, the neighbor about why she is black, and one woman if she was "a boy or a girl." She also told the neighbor girl that she "should go to her room to do that because it is not polite" when she saw Elizabeth (who is two) playing with her lady bits. I think I may require a script for the many directions this particular life lesson could take, primarily to avoid more awkward situations. Finally, my ability to overwhelm another human being with too much information has a useful purpose. I just know I am going to have an issue with her playing doctor.

Excuses to End A Time Out (By Audrina)

1. Have to pee.
2. Hungry.
3. Archer is touching my foot.
4. My chair is cold.
5. I want to cuddle.
6. I will be good this year.
7. Archer said I could get down.
8. My timer is buzzing and that means time out is over.
9. I love you! (As she is inching away from the chair).
10. I need to wash my hands.

Glad to be Home

Sometimes, I come home from work and both kids are sleeping. Or Archer sees me, starts screaming and Audrina contributes to the ruckus by yelling about how she wants milk. I brace myself before I walk in. Tonight was different. I came home, and both of them were happy to see me. Quietly. Peacefully. I snuggled Archer, who has taken to twisting one nipple while nursing on the other (if I take it away, he bites me) but he looked up at me with those big brown eyes and smiled, keeping those little pincers of his to himself. Audrina told me all about her day, how she wants to go somewhere, that she was happy that we had pictures, Harley made her a sandwich, Archer pooped. It was cute. It was Hallmark sweet. Tonight is the kind of night that never seems to happen. It was nice.